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Cassie’s birth – nothing like I pictured or planned

I wasn’t sure if I should tell my story as people always say to me you have been though the mill but I did not feel that way at all as I have an amazing beautiful happy baby and I know I made all the right choices for my birth.

When I found out I was pregnant the doctor referred me for therapy with regards to my needle phobia. I had a session most weeks before my birth and this really helped me along with the hypnobirthing course to get though my pregnancy as I never feared birth, I feared blood tests, injections and cannulas. I would use my affirmations when I had to have any needles to keep me calm. ( I have even used them now when having the covid jab and further blood tests after birth).

I had the usual morning sickness 7 weeks till 16 weeks (but it was all day) – thank god for the 3rd lockdown so I was working from home.

I suffered with insomnia most of my pregnancy but I’m not a big sleeper so I managed fine with the tiredness.
At my 20 week scan we found out the placenta was low laying and we were having a girl ?

I had already started the Positive Birth Course and affirmations so it really kept me calm and helped me not to worry too much.

At 28 weeks I woke in the night and had been bleeding heavily. I calmly went to the hospital and was monitored for a few hours till the bleed stopped. I was admitted as a precaution and went for a scan – they said that the placenta had moved and in the process they think it caused a vein to rip and cause the bleed. I stayed in hospital for 36 hours and had some steroid jabs just in case of early labour. But everything was fine. ? The only part of the whole process I found upsetting was when they gave me leaflets on if my baby came before 30 weeks and I read them when I was very tired!

I went for a scan at 32 weeks and they confirmed that the baby was frank breech but my midwives said that there was plenty of time for turning.

At 34 weeks I had a little wobble and went to the midwife as I was worried about her not turning and wanted to know what I could do. They told me that the baby was head down and to not worry till 36 weeks.

36 weeks… The same midwife told me the baby was still breech, I was so upset (and pretty pissed off) but they put me straight under the consultant at the Jessops hospital and she was amazing!

An ECV was attempted at 37 weeks but my little girl was not moving! I used my affirmations and felt it was meant to be so embraced the breech and was no longer worried about it all.

At this point I was offered a c-section at 39 weeks or a scan to check I could go for VBB (vaginal breech birth). I opted for the scan.

39 weeks scan all was well and good for VBB. As you cannot be induced with a breech baby I had a c-section booked in for 41+5 which gave me time for labour to start naturally.

40+1 – first sweep – I chose to have the sweep to see what stage my body was at. My cervix was closed.

40+5 – 2nd sweep – cervix was still long but starting to open up. I made the decision this was my last sweep now I knew things where moving along.

41+1 – I had decided to go for reflexology as it had been recommended to help relax especially if I was to need the c-section.

That morning some of my plug had come away so I was a little excited but I knew that it could still be a few days. The reflexology was amazing and so calming, after this I went for a walk and lunch with my mum and then went home to lay watching movies. At 4pm I was 10 minutes from the end of Rocketman (yes I was singing along the whole film) and I decided to sit on my ball. A few bounces in and I felt a pop and a gush. My waters and my plug had gone. Thank goodness we have a downstairs toilet as I managed to get there without making too much of a mess. You know how they say your waters don’t go in the movies… well mine did.

I shouted to my partner who luckily works from home to help me clean up and get me some clean clothes. At this point I did not have any contractions so I called the hospital who were mega busy. They said to make my way to the hospital and they would check me over. As they were so busy I asked if we could have our tea first! Tea of champions… Chicken nuggets and chips ?

At 6pm my mum came and took us down to the hospital. I had started to get mild back ache. After an hour waiting to be seen my contractions had started to get stronger and I needed my up breathing while tracking on the Freya app. While waiting I felt a gush again and had to ask for some pads as my partner was outside with my bag which had all my stuff in. (Bloody covid)

When I went to change I had a major shock… it was all dark. It was meconium. Now no one had warned me about this with breech. When a baby is breech the contractions can cause it to go to the toilet … a-lot!!! Obviously I knew if it was in waters it was dangerous to the baby but that’s just if baby is head down. But when the baby is head up it’s normal and nothing to be worried about. It’s very unglamorous!

I was monitored for the first hour to check the baby was ok and contractions were about 1 every 15 minutes. At about 8pm they examined me and I was only 1cm. They took me off the monitor and said I would need to stay and be checked again in a few hours. We set up some music and went though the affirmations. I was offered some tablets at about 9pm but I had started being sick from the contraction pain so they came back up as quickly as they went down. For about 2 hours my contractions were about 2 in 10 minutes and really strong in my back. I found I just needed to walk around a lot and really use my up breathing as I couldn’t find a position which helped. I tried a ball, on all fours and even sitting on the loo but all I could do was bend over and breath.

At just before midnight I was examined again as my contractions were every 2 minutes for a while and I still had not had any drugs! I was now 6cm so they moved me over to a consultant led room where I was given gas and air … I was so happy .. literally! I was put back on the monitor and I now could not move around. I just talked loads of rubbish and laughed.

Now this is where things started to go fast and a little fuzzy due to the gas and air.

I was examined some time after 1am and I was 10cm. I was so excited as I knew it meant action stations… We practiced going on all fours but the babies heart rate dropped. Midwife pressed the panic button and the room filled. They wanted me to try again and they would watch the monitor. Same happened again and they said they needed to prep for a c-section. I used my BRAIN and asked for them to hold off a little longer and to let’s see what happened but in the mean time I had numbing cream put on my hands for the cannula as I had a massive phobia.

A few more contractions passed and we tried again, the heart rate dropped and took some time to come back up. The consultant said to try on my side but the same happened again.

I now started to feel more pressure down below. They asked me to attempt to push if I felt the need but all I could now feel was the baby moving up rather then down.

I agreed to go for the c-section. Everything moved so fast but I was so calm as I knew I was going to meet my baby. I thought I would be scared but I really wasn’t.

I did shout at the anaesthetist though as he went to wash his hands and I wanted the cannula putting in as I wasn’t having any contractions (oops).

While I laid there with my partner at my head we were chatting and I didn’t even know they had started and I heard someone say “hello little girl”.

She was here! They took her off to be checked and clear her lungs – it did feel like a lifetime but she cried after a few seconds and they wrapped her up and brought her over to us.


She was put on my chest and we chatted away to her while they finished closing up.

It was all so fast but so amazing.

She could not have delayed cord cutting as they found bruising on the cord. I was fine with this as it was what was best for her at that moment.

She was perfect and all fine!

When they were closing up they found I had some bleeding and had to fit me with a drain. That stayed in for 24 hours and all the fluid had stopped coming out.

One bit of advice. If you have blood loss and they offer you blood or iron… take the blood!!!I went for Iron as I didn’t realise how low my HB levels where and it meant I was more tired then I should have been after a c-section.

Now this is where I went a little down hill. I ended up going back into hospital a few days later as my internal bleeding had pooled and caused a hemotoma. I was admitted and given 2 blood transfusions and 3 days of IV antibiotics. While it was very strange being in the hospital I was so well looked after and had my little girl with me so we got to bond so much and the midwives were so helpful.

While the healing process has taken me a lot longer then expected I have to say all the things that scared and worried me before having a baby were all not as bad as I expected.

I still use the golden light affirmation now to help with stressful mummy times.

My little girl is 5 months now and I love every minute I spend with her. She’s a healthy weight and I’m so lucky I was able to breastfeed even while being so poorly. She’s still breastfeeding now and we are getting ready to start our weaning journey.

Her birth was nothing like I pictured or planned but it was all the right choices especially after they measured her head size as the 98th centile after being born and with being breech her head getting stuck was my main worry.

She is a happy and healthy little girl who is my whole world.

Filed Under: Birth Stories, Featured Tagged With: blood loss, complications, consultant-led VBB, emergency c-section, hospital, planned

Alma’s birth – a planned breech hospital birth

Positive Birth Story; first time mum, Frank breech, planned breech birth in hospital.

I’m 33 and this was my first baby who I had originally planned to have at home. The only thing that had cropped up during pregnancy was a single umbilical artery, which was interesting, but had no impact on my daughter and was not specifically related to her being breech. However my mum was breech (footling homebirth, and I was born prematurely by c-section, so who knows could be something that runs in my family).

She was breech at the 28 week growth scan but I was not at all concerned and assumed she would turn. After that, my midwife had done a check on position and felt she was head down, another homebirth midwife also checked and agreed…. (A sneak my daughter!) However at the 36 week growth scan she was definitely bum down. I panicked an did all the things, acupuncture, moxibustion, spinning babies, handstands in the pool ? and agreed to an ECV at 37 weeks but was unsure if I wanted it. She didn’t turn by my ECV date and was still Frank breech and so to try and keep homebirth as an option, I had the ECV (and as an aside I would say to other ladies out there, I know easier said than done, but I wish I hadn’t let the turning activities and worry consume my last week’s pregnancy, so do them, but don’t beat yourself up with them).

I found the ECV painful but completely bearable. They tried twice without success and then almost immediately it felt, tried to push a C-section at 39 weeks. My trust (Homerton) will do VBB but they didn’t want to with a first time mum. I asked for info from the senior midwife and consultant, but also said I wouldn’t be making a decision that day (they really wanted to sign me up so be clear and take pressure off ?). After a chat with my homebirth midwife, she explained that she wouldn’t feel 100% comfortable doing a homebirth but encouraged me to push for VBB in hospital if that’s what I wanted.

I had a few horrible days of stress trying to decide what to do. In the end, I decided to schedule a section for my due date (arbitrary I know but it gave me peace to have an end to the worry) and then if she came in the meantime I’d “see how it went”…

My waters broke at 4am at exactly 39 weeks. No contractions, but I called the hospital and they suggested I came in just to check all well. Upon arrival I had a VE, I was 2cm and the midwife said she thought she was head down, but scan confirmed she was still breech (told you, my daughter was very sneaky). I was offered a section but declined and asked to see how labour progressed. I was told that if everything progressed “smoothly” and baby’s heart rate was normal then it indicated that the breech birth would proceed well. I was also told I had 24 hours to progress due to water being broken. It was very interesting, as I faced a lot of push back on having a VBB as a first time mum, but as soon as I said I wanted a “trial of labour” aka give it a go, I noticed everyone kind of felt a bit excited. I had asked if the team on were confident with a breech birth and was assured they were.

At this stage (around 9am) I was still not experiencing any strong contractions, though maybe slight twinges. I had thought about going home (I’m only 5 minutes away by car) which they didn’t want, but a senior midwife secretly told me I could do what I wanted and if I wanted to go home I could (remember you are not a prisoner!). They also wanted to put in a canula at this stage but I declined as it seemed uneccesary and I knew I wouldn’t want to labour with one in my hand, so remember you can say no. Husband and I went on a long walk for ice cream, and by 12 midday I was feeling them and by 2pm I was moved to private room as I was 7cm and in active labour.

I was introduced to my birth team, which was quite large and included two midwives, a student (I didn’t mind – better to train more in breech), consultants, anaesthetist, baby specialists, talked through risks and how we would proceed. I already knew my Trust would decline me using a birth pool (apparently so as not to slow labour and then during birth so they could see) and would prefer me to labour upright / on all fours, ideally on a bed. Happy.

I was very active, moved around walking a lot and had terrible back pains so used the shower and counter pressure. At this stage I also agreed to a canula in case of emergency (it was hard to get it in with contractions happening I’ll admit!)

Everything progressed relatively quickly and I felt labour switch to pushing so was helped onto the bed around 7.30pm. Without asking lights were dimmed and all was very calm. 1 hour of pushing in an upright kneeling position against the back of the bed (which felt great and very powerful) and my daughter was born. She came out relatively easily, however there was a slight delay (only a couple of minutes but felt like forever) when her body was out and not head, which panicked me, however we waited for a contraction, which did come and then she was here. It felt amazing to feel her come out.

She was floppy and not breathing on arrival (I’ve since learnt that’s normal with breech, but I was very worried at the time), cord was immediately cut and she was taken to the resus table and I didn’t get to see her. She apparently had fluid on the lungs and a blood clot in her mouth. She cried after 5 minutes, and I held her after 20 minutes, uninterrupted for the next hour. The best feeling ever. I recall saying to the doctor’s “there’s your *effing “proven pelvis”” ? (in jest, but that’s the term often used to explain why second time, but not first time mums can do something like a VBB).

I felt incredibly proud of my body. Labour was HARD, but for me it felt right. That said, had I needed a c-section I’d also totally made my peace with it. I was sad to loose out of immediate skin to skin and having the cord cut so quickly, the resus was stressful, and I needed stitches for a second degree tear, but these things may also have happened with a head down birth.

After the birth I had a lot of young excited midwives congratulating me and saying they hoped more breech births could happen, which was positive! One more for the books (as an aside I hadn’t realised as I was on all fours, but my husband told me at the point of birth there were about 15 people in the room, some because they needed to be, others just watching ?)

Anyway, the story of my beautiful breeching; Alma Medeina.

Filed Under: Birth Stories, Featured Tagged With: ECV, hospital, midwife, planned, vaginal

Chloe’s story – a positive planned vaginal breech birth

I read so many posts and comments with great interest after finding out my baby was breech just before Christmas. I found the birth stories in particular so useful and reassuring so wanted to share mine!

I have a bicornuate uterus so knew all along that I was more likely to have a breech baby as they can run out of space to turn. I had a presentation scan at 36 weeks because of this, and he was head down so I thought we’d got away with it. At 37+5 I felt like the movements had changed and just had a feeling he might have turned so went to triage to be checked out. Sure enough it was confirmed that he was breech (footling according to the sonographer) and I was given the choice of a vaginal breech birth or a c-section. I spoke to a lot of people and asked a lot of questions, but ultimately wanted to avoid a c section if at all possible so opted to try for a vaginal breech birth.

I ended up back in triage with reduced movements at 39+2 and while everything looked fine on the monitor, I still wasn’t feeling as much as I had been (I think baby had moved position slightly by this point which may have been why). A doctor convinced me that a c-section would be the best option and scheduled it for the following day. I got to the hospital the next morning and after waiting for 5 hours we were told that it had been rescheduled due to staff shortages and would now be 3 days later, so at 39+6. When we got to the hospital on the rescheduled date, I was put on the monitor and during the hour it was on, started having tightenings which were becoming more regular and more noticeable. A doctor came to review and agreed it looked like I was in early labour, so wanted to get on with the c-section asap. I asked if this meant I could reconsider a vaginal delivery (the main risk I’d been worried about was going into labour at home and something going wrong, but I was in the hospital now so felt more confident). I was rescanned by a very supportive consultant who said baby was now flexed breech, with his bottom presenting first, so we agreed to cancel the c section and wait for things to progress naturally.

The tightenings continued for the next 24 hours, getting slightly more intense and remaining regular at about every 4-5 minutes. At about 1am on the day after my due date I was woken by the tightenings and started trying to time them but kept drifting back off to sleep so gave up. At 4am they woke me again and seemed more intense so I timed them over the next 2 hours and they were every 3.5 mins lasting 1-1.5 mins so I called my midwife who said to come in to triage. After we got there at about 7:30am I was examined and to everyone’s surprise I was fully dilated! I was still managing well with breathing through the tightenings so couldn’t believe it. I was taken across to labour ward and we waited for things to progress further. Over the next hour or two things got a lot more intense and the tightenings were harder to breathe through so I tried some gas and air but didn’t feel like it did very much for me. At about 9:30am (timings get a bit hazy here!) my midwife asked if I could try to go to the toilet. I felt a pop and my waters started to trickle, then they went with a big gush when I got back to the bed. The midwife examined me and said she could see a foot was coming first and that it was time to push so I knelt leaning over the back of the bed. I think I was pushing for about 15 minutes in total before our little boy Oliver arrived safely, one foot first, at 9:54am on 06/01/2022 weighing 7lbs8oz, followed very swiftly by the placenta.

This was all SUCH a positive experience and I am so glad I stuck to my instincts and pushed (pun not intended!) for the delivery I knew I wanted and could have. Huge thanks have to go to Amy Meadowcroft from Oldham Hospital who was the most amazingly supportive midwife I could ever have hoped for, I definitely wouldn’t have felt able to get through all of this without her.

Filed Under: Birth Stories, Featured Tagged With: hospital, midwife, planned, vaginal

Hannah’s story – a midwife-supported hospital breech birth

Our baby girl was born on Saturday at the hospital in Truro, Cornwall. She is perfect! We had an incredible VBB, assisted by a lovely midwife. If anyone out there is feeling overwhelmed and unsure about their breechling please know that VBB can be so special.

Briefly, our little one flipped at 37w2 much to my surprise as my first was born vaginally head down so I hadn’t even really thought about breech at all. We went to the hospital to confirm and they immediately jumped to elective section and throwing quite a lot of data at me. It was overwhelming and I felt as thought something was “wrong” with me. I felt pressured to try an ECV but I went home first and did a loooooot of research. The internet is amazing. I decided to try the ECV. It was unsuccessful and now we know that the cord was wrapped around my baby’s head twice so I think that was what stopped her from turning. I doubt I would do an ECV again. I found it to be a very emotional experience.

So I moved on and decided to embrace my breechling as I was now 38w. I didn’t try moxibustion or anything else apart from continuing on with my daily yoga practice (which I did all along anyway). I let go of my homebirth plan because I couldn’t find anyone in my area to support me. I contacted the head of midwifery at the hospital and sent her my VBB plan and request for second birth partner (my doula) which was granted. I also spoke with Kemi Johnson who was just absolutely so supportive and reaffirmed my faith in myself. I filled my mind with positive VBB podcasts and stories and websites and videos. I also wrote an emergency C section plan and spent a little bit of time thinking on that.

My waters broke on Friday night/Saturday morning at 1:30am. The waters were red with quite a lot blood which is a bit scary. I was told to come straight in, the midwife on the phone was so excited when she heard I was planning on a VBB. Hospital was over an hour drive away and when we arrived I was still losing quite a lot of blood. I allowed the doctor to do a VE. I was 3cm. They asked if I wanted to do a section because they didn’t know where the blood was coming from. I declined and asked to wait a little longer as I felt fine and baby was happy. Surges had begun inconsistently. They agreed I could wait but they asked to put a canula in my hand so they had quick access to a vein should the bleeding get worse very quickly. That was scary and also very uncomfortable. But I felt it was a fair compromise.

My labour took a few hours to establish because I kept getting interrupted by various doctors giving me their unwanted opinions about my decision for a VBB. But the bleeding had stopped and waters were coming through clear now so my worry decreased. I got really annoyed with two male doctors pressuring me to talk about my c section plan should labour fail to establish within their timeframe since waters had broken. I just ignored them. When they left I asked my doula and partner to go and speak to our midwife.

They told her no more people in the room. Only her. No one else. They gave me my safe space back.

After that my surges came properly, soon they were just 2-3mins apart and lasting at least a minute each wave. I used my hypnobirthing and essential oils (lavender, frankincense and clary sage). My doula supported my back beautifully with a pressure point. My partner was amazing, reassuring and loving and supportive.

After an hour the midwife came to check in and she noticed that things had ramped up a lot. She asked to do another VE. I agreed but asked that she didn’t tell me my dilation, she was a bit surprised but agreed. Afterwards she told me I was 9cm. But after the check she just said we were going to get ready to meet baby soon. She began to get the room ready and spoke to me about staying standing and trusting my body to guide me into whatever position I needed to be in. I was on my yoga mat, kneeling and leaning into my partner. I began to shake and I knew I was in transition. All I could think was “the only way to my baby is through each wave”.

My midwife gently guided me in trusting my body and reassured me she would be hands off unless absolutely necessary and would talk to me the whole time. She told me not to push until there was just no way I couldn’t. She told me to breathe and take my time through each contraction.

Pushing began and lasted just 11 minutes, midwife called in second midwife to be present. This part was hard. Her one foot came out first, then her bum with her other leg. She was hanging beneath me, the midwife said I could reach down and then I felt her! We discovered we were having another baby girl! I cried! Then the midwife could see her arms were caught over her head. She asked me if she could assist baby because she was a little stuck. I agreed, it was very intense but I see in the video how gentle she was releasing the arms. After the arms were out I could feel the hardness of her head, it was soooooo hard after the squishy body! Midwife said to wait for the next surge and when it came to give everything. I did and she was out! Midwife told me to stand still as she unwinded the cord from around baby’s neck after which came her first cry as she was passed straight to me.

We did it! Euphoria.

The placenta took about an hour but we enjoyed golden hour and baby girl was just perfect, so alert and content. She scored 8/10 on the Apgar at birth and 10/10 after was few minutes. She began rooting and immediately latched on and started asking my body to feed her.

Later I was told that there were doctors and a neonatal specialist outside the door. But the midwife told them she would press the button if she needed help and otherwise to stay outside. She was absolutely incredible. I feel so lucky to have had her assist us in this birth.

Our baby girl was born at 12:54pm and weighed 3.4kg and we were discharged a couple of hours later. No stitches for me this time around.

I know it’s a bit of a long story but I also know there are others out there looking to stock up on positive VBB stories so this is for you. Our bodies are amazing and however we birth our babies, head down, head up, through a section, we are all incredible for what we go through.

Sending love to you wherever you are on your journey.

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: diagnosed, foot-first, hospital, midwife, photos, planned, upright, vaginal

Sophia’s story – a positive and empowering attempted HBAC

My beautiful baby Victoria was born on 14 July at 41+5 weighing 7lb 1oz. She is my second baby.

I had an unplanned c section with my first after two days of 2 in 10 contractions and a mini panic attack which prompted me to transfer in to hospital (had planned a home birth). Once in hospital I had a lot of unnecessary interventions that caused my son (and I) distress and I opted for a c section over further interventions.

When I got pregnant this time I knew the birth was going to be different and early on I planned an intervention free home birth after c section (HBAC). I also engaged private midwives at around 20 weeks pregnant to provide continuity of care.

At 31 weeks I had a private 4D scan where I was told baby was lying in the breech position. I wasn’t too phased by this as my son had also been breech at around the same gestation but then turned. As the weeks went on however I started to notice a hard lump at the top of my uterus that I hadn’t remembered feeling with my son. My midwife thought they might be knees at our 36 week antenatal appointment. I wasn’t sure however and booked in for a presentation scan at 37+1 when it was confirmed that baby was breech. The sonographer classed it as a footling breech but since doing a lot of research she was actually a complete breech with dropped feet. The doctor I saw after that scan basically told me my only option was an elective c section at 39 weeks. I said I was certainly not taking that option and would do my own research and even if I felt a c section was safer I would not choose the day, I would wait to go into labour because then I know my baby is ready to be born and you never know she could turn head down at any point.

Over the next week I did A LOT of research and concluded that a planned breech home birth was what I felt would allow the ideal conditions for a physiological safe birth.

Unfortunately I was told by my private midwives that they were not breech competent and thus could no longer support me at home, only as advocates, so if I still wanted a home birth I needed to arrange that with the hospital.

Arranging a breech HBAC with my hospital was no easy feat. I think I was probably the first person to request a breech HBAC. The last breech home birth was 5 years ago and that wasn’t an HBAC. It wasn’t until my due date that I finally received a letter from the hospital agreeing to support my birth plan with the help of an amazing independent midwife who luckily already had a contract with the hospital and was confident to support a breech birth. My private midwives were supposed to also attend the birth as advocates but at 40+5, the company they are employed by withdrew the contract so I lost their support which really upset me but at least I still had the plan in place with the hospital.

All of this fighting for the birth plan I wanted and the emotional rollercoaster it caused I have no doubt delayed me going into labour. I was getting period like pains for weeks and then in the week before I went into labour I would get bouts of contractions at night that would die off by the morning.

At 41+4, after dropping off my son at nursery, my husband and I decided to go for brunch at a nearby cafe. Whilst there, I had about 5 mild contractions and felt that things might be starting. After brunch I spent the rest of the day relaxing on my sofa watching Netflix and had a nap. Mild contractions kept coming and going about every 10-20 minutes. At around 6pm as I was preparing dinner I felt a couple of stronger contractions that I needed to breathe through. I texted my independent midwife (IM) and doula to let them know something might be starting. Sure enough a couple of hours later contractions ramped up and were coming at a more regular frequency and greater intensity. My IM lives only 10 minutes away so she popped round for a quick check in. All was well with me and baby so she went home to rest and I went to bed to try and sleep as best I can and save energy.

Just before midnight I had a very intense contraction which caused my waters to break quite spectacularly. I jumped out of bed and ran to the toilet, losing my mucus plug in one huge blob on the way. It was all quite exciting for me because with my first, my waters were artificially ruptured so to feel my body doing it naturally was exhilarating and it gave me a mental boost that things were progressing well. I texted my IM and doula and suggested they make their way over. I had a quick shower and went downstairs. My husband started sorting out the pool and thankfully my son was fast asleep. Over the next 3 hours I laboured in mostly upright positions and got in the pool (which felt amazing!).

At around 4am, the consultant midwife and a band 7 NHS midwife arrived (this was part of the plan agreed with the hospital). My living room started to feel quite crowded and I was getting more and more tired so I decided to go up to bed and lie down. The contractions felt more painful lying down but at least in between contractions I was able to rest.

At around 6am I agreed to my first VE. I was ecstatic to find out that I was 5cm and my baby’s bum and foot were engaging. My midwife said she could feel my baby’s toes curl around her fingers when she touched her foot! It seemed I was going to have a ‘dropped foot’ complete breech birth as I had expected. I had seen a birth video recently like this and decided to watch it again with my husband for motivation.

I then went back down to the living room and stayed upright which I felt was the position I managed best through the contractions which were now 3 in 10. After a couple of hours I was feeling very tired again so went back to my bedroom for the next few hours alternating between standing through each contraction and perching on the side of the bed whilst the midwives would knock on my door every 15 minutes to listen in to baby. All observations were reassuring but contractions weren’t getting any more intense or closer together. I eventually asked if we could change the listening in frequency to 30 minutes as I felt every 15 minutes was too frequent and was potentially disturbing progress.

At around 10am I was offered another VE but I declined and pushed it back to 12pm. I decided to change location and went to my son’s room who by that point my husband had taken to nursery. I had quite a few intense contractions and kept losing more amniotic fluid. I thought things might be ramping up. At 12pm I accepted my second VE, was feeling so hopeful, but unfortunately it was bad news. I was still 5cm, my baby’s foot was now poking through my cervix and her bum had actually moved back up my pelvis. This meant that there was a greater risk of cord prolapse due to there not being a tight wedge over my cervix. At this point the advice of all the midwives was to transfer to hospital. I was really unsure. In the weeks leading up to the birth I had connected with an expert in breech birth and decided to call her to ask for her opinion as well. She said that baby was probably trying to move themselves into a more optimal position for birth and although she had supported women to birth ‘dropped feet’ breech babies this was done in a hospital setting. Based on this I decided to go into the hospital and continue my labour there with every intention to still have a vaginal birth.

I refused to go in an ambulance as I live less than a 5 minute drive away. Despite this, the consultant midwife arranged for two ambulances to turn up at my house! I just walked passed them and my doula drove me and my IM to the hospital. Such a waste of resources!

At the hospital, I was lucky that the pool room was free. It was nice and spacious although a bit too bright because there were no blinds just frosted windows. I had told my IM I did not want a cannula and she was amazing in not even letting the anesthetist into the room to offer it to me! (I only found this out afterwards). I agreed to 30 minutes on the CTG and baby was doing just fine so I then reverted to intermittent monitoring every 30 minutes. I was determined to birth my baby, I was moving all around the room and used the pool for pain relief but I was losing strength as the day went on so I started to ask about other options for pain relief. I had 2 paracetamols, tried gas and air but didn’t like it. Considered pethidine so I could potentially sleep but then decided against it. An epidural was always a firm no due to wanting full sensation in my body for birth and my risks of complications being higher due to a couple of minor back conditions I have. So in the end I just carried on with my deep breathing and paracetamol.

At around 5pm I agreed to my third VE. Was absolutely gutted to find out I was still 5cm but was excited to hear that my baby had moved her foot back out of my cervix and her bum was now the presenting part (but not yet engaged). The mood music in the room was certainly one of this is not good, a c section is looking necessary but I was feeling positive that she was now in a better position and I just needed to do all I could to help her move down. So I asked for 2 more hours and even if I only made 0.5cm progress that would keep me going. So I got up, did some deep squats, my amazing doula and IM did the ‘labour dance’ (search it on You Tube- it’s great!) with me and I just kept upright moving around to hopefully encourage gravity to do its thing.

At 7:30pm I was checked again but sadly no change at all, still 5cm and there was swelling on my cervix. By this point my temperature had gone up slightly, there was some meconium in my waters, and baby’s baseline heart rate had gone up. As much as I didn’t want to accept it, I had to look at the situation – it was well over 24 hours from the first contractions – and realised at this point the safest way to birth my baby would have to be a c section.

I had a good cry as the anaesthetist inserted a cannula and read through the procedure and risks for a spinal block and c section. I reluctantly signed the paperwork and made my way to the operating theatre. I found my strength to ensure my gentle c section wishes were met so I had the curtain dropped when she was born, delayed cord clamping, my cord tie placed on her, skin to skin in theatre and the midwives took pictures of her birth. She was so calm when she was born, as though she slept through the whole thing!

The surgery felt like it took longer than with my first with a lot more tugging and pulling. I was also told that the incision had to be made slightly further down to my previous one, so now I have a scar for each baby but to be honest I don’t mind, might as well have a mark for each! The doctor said he didn’t see any signs of scar dehiscence so that was good news. The placenta looked really healthy although the cord was shorter than average which could potentially be a reason she was breech?

She was born at 21:16 and despite being 41+5 by that point, only weighed 7lb 1oz! Looking at her tiny bum, I did start to think how difficult it would have been for her to engage and apply enough pressure to my cervix! I really needed her head!

After the section I spent an hour in recovery and then a day on the postnatal ward before going home. The first week postpartum I was in a lot of pain and so upset that I ended up with another c section, another long recovery and another missed opportunity to experience a physiological birth. I can’t help but feel I am broken in some way given both times I planned a home birth and went into spontaneous labour but still ended up with sections. But looking at the facts, I had a long latent phase with my first with no sleep and got tired which factored into me transferring in and then not having the knowledge I have now to decline the unnecessary interventions that were made. And this time sadly it was an awkward breech presentation that just wouldn’t descend.

The things I am grateful for is that both times my babies chose their birthdays, we both experienced labour and my second labour experience in particular was really positive and empowering even though it didn’t end the way I had hoped.

I’m not currently planning on having any more children but if I do I will be attempting a hba2c and hopefully will be third time lucky!

Filed Under: Birth Stories, Featured Tagged With: complete breech, emergency c-section, footling, HBAC, home, hospital transfer, independent midwife, planned, VBAC

Isobel’s story – a planned midwife-led breech birth

I just wanted to share my positive breech vaginal birth story. I spent many hours in the weeks leading up to the birth searching for such stories, so hopefully mine will bring some comfort to those who are in a similar situation.

We found our little boy (second baby) to be breech from about 28 weeks following regular growth scans. I had an unsuccessful and rather distressing ECV at 38 weeks and was then given the option by our hospital of a planned C-section on our due date, or to attempt a vaginal delivery. I was desperate for a natural birth so I was lucky that our local hospital supports this option and we were told we would be assigned a senior midwife on arrival if I went into spontaneous labour.

Fast forward to 5/7/21 at 39+3 I started having regular contractions so we made our way in to the hospital. I was put on continuous monitoring as per protocol but was allowed to move around.

4 hours later I noticed the telltale signs of transition and began to push. I was allowed to be on all fours which was my preference. I heard some commotion of more people entering the room but we were made aware of the need for a doctor, NICU nurse and additional midwife to be present for the birth due to the potential for myself or baby needing some additional help.

The whole birth was hands off, with the midwife just talking me through what was happening which I found a huge help and a great motivation.

His body delivered in 2 contractions, these then died off and I was instructed to push his head out without the aid of contractions as there is a time limit on how long they will let the head go undelivered. This was actually not as difficult as I had anticipated and I got away with not even a graze.

Our little boy was born unresponsive, and needed immediate cord clamping, CPAP and vigorous stimulation at the beginning but quickly came round with no ill effects. Having the NICU team present was actually a real comfort and at no point did I feel anxious, I knew he was in safe hands and having done plenty of reading in the run up to birth I knew that this was quite normal for breech babies.

Apart from having some spectacular ‘frogs legs’ he is doing really well and my recovery has been far easier than my first vaginal cephalic birth.

I hope that this helps even one person in a similar situation who may be undecided about what sort of birth to go for. I knew I wanted to avoid surgery and felt that on balance trying for a vaginal birth was the right thing to do for me.

At the end of the day, you must go with your gut feeling – you will make the right decision for you!

Filed Under: Birth Stories Tagged With: diagnosed, ECV, hospital, midwife, planned, vaginal

Natalie’s story – a c-section in labour for a footling breech baby

My pregnancy was low risk, straightforward and with the usual pregnancy symptoms. I was active until the end of pregnancy by walking our dog every day.

We found out our baby was breech on a scan at 35 weeks. I tried everything to turn her – spinning babies, inversions, moxibustion, chiropractor, lots of walking and gardening (being on all fours). After a position scan at 37+2 confirming she was a flexed breech we agreed to the ECV to try to turn her at 37+4. The ECV was unsuccessful as baby was well and truly wedged in my ribs. She coped really well with the ECV (whereas I found it quite stressful and uncomfortable). It did, however, make me feel at peace with the fact that my baby was breech and I don’t think I could have done anything else to turn her! I finally started enjoying my very low down kicks instead of stressing about her position.

We initially agreed to an elective caesarean at 39 weeks as the only realistic option presented by the obstetric team that day. However, on leaving the hospital I was devastated. I felt she was not ready and surgery seemed a huge reaction to a healthy baby and mother when the only issue was her position. The next morning I called my community midwives who were incredible supportive and directed me towards AIMS and referred me back to the consultant midwife at my hospital to discuss other options.

After doing 2 days of research into vaginal breech births I was really confident I wanted to try. I cancelled my elective caesarean and came up with birth preferences with the consultant midwife. It was highlighted to me that my birth would likely be influenced by the skills and experience of those on duty.

With my plan in place and me feeling much more confident we enjoyed our last week before she arrived! I did lots of batch cooking, swimming, walking the dog and just really trying to enjoy ourselves.

The day before I went into labour we had spent a stunning day at the seaside; walking, enjoying the sunshine and fish & chips on the beach. I went to bed that evening feeling completely normal.

Contractions started really mildly at 4am. They woke me up and felt very different to Braxton Hicks, I took paracetamol and tried to go back to sleep but couldn’t. I ended up downstairs on my birth ball. The contractions became regular very quickly but then slowed and got more intense. My partner took our dog out for a walk at 9am and my contractions basically stopped and only restarted when he got back. I also felt very nauseous at this point. We attended my community midwife appointment at 11am. Contractions continued throughout the appointment (and the 30 minutes spent stood in the car park because of the fire alarm). I came home, had lunch and bounced on a ball for the afternoon. Contractions continued at variable intervals, intensities and lengths. Nausea and indigestion were pretty unpleasant as well – I was having my bowels open many times for the clear out! I managed to breathe through contractions and could talk and walk through most of them. The worst discomfort was when I stood still outside and felt it in my bum and hips.

By about 5pm I wanted a change of scenery so got in the bath. This shortened my contractions but increased the frequency. According to the Freya app I wasn’t ever in established labour but I called the hospital just in case. I wanted a plan for the evening and I thought there was no point in heading in. However, because baby was breech and we’d be delivering on the labour unit they wanted me straight in for assessment.

This was the least pleasant part of my birth story. We arrived in the hospital at 8:30pm and started the CTG monitoring. Sitting in a chair whilst labouring and not knowing whether we’d come or go was so stressful and uncomfortable. We tried to joke around and keep positive but more than anything I just wanted to go home. When I was allowed to stand I breathed and danced through the surges. Eventually, I had a VE and was happy to hear I was 4cm although the midwife could only feel her feet. Immediately afterwards my waters broke. There was light meconium staining but this is normal for a breech.

We were taken around to the labour unit at around 10pm. Once on the labour unit I wanted to settle in. We’d agreed to wireless monitoring but it was very problematic and intermittent. My partner went back to the car and got my bag, put music on and we had dim lighting.

The specialist registrar came in and discussed our footling presentation. I requested a ultrasound and ‘thorough’ VE in order to confirm the presentation had switched from flexed to footling. It was confirmed I was now 7cm and baby’s feet were definitely below her bum. They explained the biggest risk was cord prolapse and that a footling presentation is a contraindication to vaginal birth under RCOG guidelines. We asked questions about the likelihood of an emergency caesarean under general anaesthetic and risk to baby of cord prolapse. We requested a few minutes to discuss our options and came to the conclusion that with the risks of a vaginal birth combined with the confidence of the medical team in delivering a footling breech vaginally our best option at that time was an immediate caesarean. One downside was that no one read my birth preferences or offered me any pain relief. I wanted to use my TENS and gas & air but didn’t get to try either. On reflection, for the medical team caring for us it was more of an emergency than I was aware of. Also, at no point were my contractions indicative of established labour. They were powerful but only every 5 minutes or so despite my labour progressing very rapidly. I’d gone from 4-7cm in a hour with moving units, never having time to ‘settle in’, constantly having the monitoring adjusted, an ultrasound and vaginal exam.

I felt very confident in myself and my baby to deliver safely but did not have the same confidence in those looking after me. On reflection, with the attitude and staff confidence levels in delivering breech babies I would make the same decision again in the same scenario. However, I might have made a different decision somewhere else with a different attitude to vaginal breech birth.

After agreeing to the caesarean, less than 10 minutes later we were in theatre. Despite my birth preferences not being followed again we just tried to keep calm and get through it. I was shaking terribly due to the fact I was still having contractions and in a very cold operating theatre. The anaesthetist and assistant were the kindest, friendliest people though and really tried everything to make it positive for us. I had to have the spinal on my side as I was still contracting and they did not want labour to progress any further than it had. The anaesthetist was incredible and managed to do an effective spinal despite me not being about to stop shaking uncontrollably. The shaking was also worsened by having the spinal and is a common side effect. Although it wasn’t what I ‘wanted’ the staff were so professional, supportive and explained what they were doing. Her birth was very rapid and she arrived on her due date at 11:55pm. However, she was straight off to the paediatric doctor and it took a couple of minutes for her to cry but she then bawled loudly and for a long time. The anaesthetist was keeping us updated but I couldn’t stop crying and was just desperate to have her in my arms. The staff had placed the ECG monitoring and gown so that I could have skin to skin as soon as possible. Very quickly she was passed to me and they finished off the section with her on my chest and my partner by my side. I was still shaking but so relieved and happy to be talking to and holding my baby.

We were wheeled back to the labour unit for recovery where she latched on with a bit of help from the midwives. After an hour I was allowed to eat and savoured the NHS standard of tea and toast whilst my partner had skin to skin.

At 3am my baby and I were taken to the ward for recovery where we were both monitored and were absolutely fine. We stayed in the hospital for nearly 2 days but I was keen and ready to leave after the first! Although we had an emergency caesarean in my mind it was a speedy caesarean to prevent risks. Recovery has been straightforward and we are settling at home well.

I feel my story was very positive because I was informed and empowered throughout my pregnancy and labour. Although it was not the perfect birth I had initially envisaged I always felt in control. I knew that a caesarean was a likely outcome for a vaginal breech birth as a first time mother so we had prepared ourselves for it. I felt incredibly powerful as I had managed to get so far using breathing and could ask questions and make rational, informed decisions. My baby chose when she wanted to arrive and I feel I made the right decision at the right time for us both.

Filed Under: Birth Stories, Featured Tagged With: ECV, emergency c-section, footling, hospital, planned

Cina’s story – an upright breech birth in a hospital birth centre

My baby had been breech basically since 28 weeks. She was breech at 28 weeks for my midwife appointment, at 30 weeks I was told her head was up where my ribs were. I don’t know why but even though there was plenty of time for her to move I just knew she would remain there! At the 34 week scan she still was there too.

I was referred to the breech clinic at 35 weeks for confirmation of position and advice on how to turn baby. At 37+2 I had a failed ECV and baby was firmly engaged into my pelvis.

My waters broke at 6.30am with some twinges. I headed to hospital just to get checked etc. It was decided it would be best to keep me in due to breech/second baby and contractions had started at this point which I was more than happy to do. I had planned to have my VBB on the birth centre which luckily was honoured and not met with any disagreement. I stayed mobile and upright and contractions picked up quite a bit. Was 3 almost 4 cm by about 10.30am. At about 12 a foot presented itself. Contractions picked up and by 13.49 baby was born- about 5 mins between bum and head.

I am very happy about all the support I’ve received at Chelsea and Westminster Hospital and am very pleased I was able to be on the birth centre which made me feel very comfortable.

Filed Under: Birth Stories, Featured Tagged With: birth centre, chiropractor, ECV, hospital, midwife, planned, upright, vaginal

Arlo’s story : a footling breech freebirth

By Tess Bell

Here’s my story about Arlo Herbie Bell 6lb 6oz born feet first at home on 29th November 2019 at 4.08am.

A bit of history about me – I have the biggest hospital and needle phobia ever. As a child I spent 2 years in and out of Ipswich hospital, I was 4 at the time and had a cyst on my throat, it ended in 5 operations (because the hospital never removed it properly the first 4 times) and 2 years of my life in and out of the hospital and the doctors.
I was pinned down and forced to have all my hospital treatment, I used to beg and sob for them not to hurt me again but they still did, I had no trust in these people that forced horrible things onto me or my parents who allowed it to happen and pinned me down too, I felt so alone and lost, why were all these hospital staff and my mum forcing me through this hell? I fought with all my might with every needle, anaesthetic, plaster, ‘magic cream’, everything they were doing to me was a fight, a fight I never won! What are they trying to do to me? Kill me? No one explained what was happening or why, I just knew when we turned up at this horrible place everyone forced horrible things onto me and I didn’t understand why! I felt so helpless and afraid! It was torture and it has stayed with me forever, it’s something I’ve had to live with all my life, this horrible demon that follows me round and lives with me. Due to this I refuse all needles and refuse any kind of treatment I’m not happy with, the control was taken away from me as a child so I have to be in control with any medical situation now and I’m against any medical intervention if it can be avoided!
I tried to have therapy a few years ago but the memories and phobia were so bad that the therapist ended up giving up as she was getting nowhere with me.
I was diagnosed with a unicornuate urterus and 1 kidney during an ultrasound scan for a misscarriage, I’d had 1 successful vaginal delivery but I kept miscarrying when trying for our 2nd baby. I knew my urterus was efficient – it always miscarried early and fully without needing any medical intervention and the miscarriage was because the baby hadn’t stuck properly or in the right place. I’ve had 6 miscarriages in total.
We had our second baby, I went through the pregnancy refusing bloods as I had first time but because they knew about my uterus this time I was sent for lots of growth scans, everytime I saw the consultant they discussed why I’d refused bloods which bought my bad memories flooding back and ended in sobs of tears, at 37 weeks they said they will be inducing me as the baby is too small. I knew my baby was fine and I trusted my instincts so I refused induction and they were awful about it and had me sobbing yet again as they told me to come back next week and explained they would be persuading me to be induced and my home birth couldn’t happen, so I cancelled my appointments and never went back, I had the baby at 40+5 by myself at home in the bath with a quick, painless beautiful labour and he was 6lb 6oz and perfectly healthy.
Baby number 3 was a surprise, the pregnancy was the same with growth scans and constant tears everytime my past was brought up because I had refused bloods, I ended up writing a note on the front of my notes to say I do not wish to discuss bloods please respect my decision for my own mental wellbeing but this was ignored yet again. I had all my scans at Norwich hospital but due to where I lived had to have the Ipswich team for the home birth and after care. Baby was breech at the 32 week ultrasound but 2 midwives had said he was head down at 34 and 35 weeks (must have been thanks to the week of walking I’d done at Disneyland at 33 weeks).
At 36 weeks I was sent to Ipswich hospital to see the homebirth team to book the birth in. I was dreading this, I couldn’t even drive past the place without having awful flash backs of my childhood but I knew I had to face it to get the home birth I wanted. I was asked about my phobia yet again and then asked to go into further detail about it, I said I can but it’ll really upset me but she wanted me to go ahead so I did in floods of tears of course, she then felt my tummy and told me baby is breech so I can’t have a home birth or a vaginal birth, a c section is my biggest fear, putting my trust in their hands wasn’t something I could mentally deal with. I left the appointment crying, I got in the car and called my husband, I was an emotional mess, barely being able to talk through the sobbing, then it hit me, the panic, I had a panic attack, I couldn’t breathe! Hubby stayed on the phone trying to get me to breathe and after 20 minutes I started to calm down enough to drive myself home, I sobbed the entire journey then fell into a heap on my husband when I got home, I said I can’t do this anymore (I had been diagnosed with PTSD a few years previously due to my traumatic childhood experiences and I couldn’t let that dark place consume me again) my husband said ignore them, do what you need to do for you!
I booked a private scan the next day which showed the baby was footling breech, I told the home birth midwife the outcome and she said you can’t deliver a footling breech naturally. I cancelled my next scan to give me time to try turn him, I then spent weeks trying to turn him, moxibustion, pulsatilla, spinning babies, laying upside down on an ironing board, frozen peas on his head, sitting up right but nothing worked.
I put my phone on silent and ignored all the hospital calls, I cancelled all my appointments, I knew I could do this and I knew my body and trusted my instincts. I had to ignore them and concentrate on me for my own sanity, I had started having flash backs from my childhood and couldn’t mentally cope with anymore pressure from the medical staff trying to force things onto me.
From ‪36 – 39‬ weeks I was harassed, I was getting phone calls, voicemails and appointment letters constantly from both hospitals, midwives and my Dr’s surgery. The midwife that caused my panic attack even turned up at my house but I wasn’t in! They even tried making contact through Facebook by a mutual friend who happened to be a midwife! Then I received a signed for letter, it was Ipswich hospital (signed by the same lady that turned up at my house) stating if I vaginally birthed a footling breech my baby would die and if he was transverse we’d both die! I had no support so knew my only way forward was to free birth!
I did all my research online and read lots of positive breech birth stories, the more I researched the more I realised how possible it all was, I was totally prepared.
At 39+6 I went into labour, I kept active spending 30 mins at a time in different positions, laying on my side in bed, in the bath, on my birthing ball, on all fours, walking round the coffee table. After 4 hours I felt it was getting close, I got in the bath on all fours tried pushing but nothing happened, I told hubby that I think I’m ready to push before baby is ready to come so I waited an hour and breathed through my contractions, I stood in the bath and rocked my hips I kept getting the urge to push but nothing happened, I had read that breech babies can make you want to push too soon, I tried to resist the urge as much as I could, I knew when the time came I had to go for it so the head didn’t get stuck, I could feel it getting close but wasn’t 100% sure when the right time to push was as it was so different to the head down experiences. I couldn’t get in a good position so sat on the toilet and did a push, I could feel him coming, I jumped back in the bath and squatted, I felt for the cord in case of a prolapse but I could feel feet so I pushed and shouted hubby. I put my hands down and felt legs, I quickly pushed again whole heartedly and as hard as I could, I knew I wanted the head to follow the body. He flew out and I caught him in the bath and instantly pulled him up out of the water and he cried straight away. It took 2 pushes and about 10 seconds for him to be born, it was the most painful, intense feeling, 10 times worse than the previous two with the pain of him coming out but it was worth it to avoid medical intervention. I sat on a bin bag that was in the toilet and within 2 minutes the placenta fell out, we waited an hour and hubby sterilised a hair band and scissors and cut the cord. I wanted this special moment to be calm, I wanted it to just be us to enjoy, no rushing around and midwives turning up. I showered and got dressed while hubby dressed the baby, I made myself comfortable on the sofa then the children woke up, it was perfect as though this baby had just appeared, they instantly loved him. I text the midwife and told her he was here, she came out that afternoon to weigh him and register the birth, she checked us both over and said we were both perfectly healthy.
It was the best decision I made, I knew what I was capable of and I trusted my instincts, it was very painful and very intense towards the end but it was so worth it to avoid any more mental damage and a c-section.
2 days after birth a different midwife came to do the newborn checks, she was lovely and very old school and in previous years had been an independent midwife, she asked all about the labour and I discussed the whole story with her.
She was over joyed, she said she was so pleased I stood my ground, she said she wished more pregnant women were as assertive as I was and that breech is just a variation of normal. She said years ago she would deliver breech twins without a second thought and nowadays they just get every breech in for a section. She also said every mother has a choice and it makes her cross that they don’t stipulate that, they just say you have to have a section when they should be saying we can offer you a section but it’s your choice! She was so supportive and so pleased that I had ignored them and free birthed, she also said she would be taking the news back to Ipswich and passing it on so it gets back to the midwife that wrote the letter and upset me so much.
My advice is to trust your instincts, you know your body better than anyone, your body was made to carry and birth a child, it is your body, your baby also therefore your choice!

Filed Under: Birth Stories, Featured Tagged With: diagnosed, footling, freebirth, home, planned, unassisted, vaginal

Ada’s Birth: A Hospital Breech Vaginal Delivery

By Lizzie Johnson

Even before I became pregnant, I always knew I wanted to give birth at home. Home births seemed safe and familiar because my mother had me in her own bed thirty-four years ago. Moreover, hospitals had bad associations. Their wipe-down surfaces and windowless rooms reminded me of the months I’d spent being treated for breast cancer a decade earlier. A hospital birth was the last thing I wanted. And yet here I was, under the moonlight, my body bent double by contractions, climbing into the back of a car destined for St George’s hospital in Tooting. How had I got here?

The news that my baby was breech was delivered without much fanfare during a routine (but late) ultrasound at University College London Hospital (UCLH) in week 34 of my first pregnancy. At the time the sonographer was more concerned about a suspected and potentially dangerous complication to do with my umbilical cord, making my baby’s breech presentation seem almost incidental. Even after the doctors established that my umbilical cord was fine, I wasn’t concerned about my baby being breech. I had been breech until late in my mother’s pregnancy. She persuaded me to turn using moxibustion; a practice used in traditional Chinese medicine where dried mugwort is burned next to particular acupressure points. Plenty of time to turn, I thought. And there was always moxibustion to fall back on if my baby didn’t make its own way into a head down position.

Up until that ultrasound, my pregnancy had progressed without any real difficulties. It was deemed low risk and I hired a private midwife to help me give birth at home. I also registered with UCLH to have my antenatal scans and ensure that I could easily transfer into hospital if needed. My midwife seemed relaxed about the breech presentation, but suggested moxibustion and swimming to encourage the baby to turn. Each night before bed I ground up fresh ginger and put it into a plaster that I taped to the outside edge of my little toe. I got to grips with the exercises designed to encourage optimal foetal positioning on the Spinning Babies website, and could often be found lying on an ironing board propped against the seat of my sofa with my feet elevated in the air. Friends and acquaintances made suggestion after suggestion about how to turn breech babies. It seemed that everyone had a theory and a tale of a baby turned at the last minute. I was happy to give anything a go, no matter how peculiar, so long as it might prompt my baby to turn and keep my home birth on track.

Three weeks passed and despite my efforts the person growing inside me remained stubbornly bottom down. My midwife advised me against a homebirth if my baby stayed breech, and made an appointment for me to have an external cephalic version (ECV) at UCLH to try to turn the baby around. I knew the procedure came with risks, but on balance I thought they were worth taking if it meant I could potentially avoid a medicalised hospital birth. The talk of caesareans only began after two doctors failed to push the contents of my swollen belly into a more typical position. Responding to what they referred to as my baby’s “malpresentation”, the team at UCLH strongly encouraged me to opt for a planned caesarean section, arguing that a vaginal birth represented an increased risk to my baby. They could support a vaginal breech birth, and did agree to respect my wishes if I made this decision, however it was made clear that it would likely be a highly medicalised affair. I would have to give birth on the labour ward (the midwifery-led unit was not an option) and the delivery would likely involve obstetric interventions including lithotomy, and potentially forceps and episiotomy. An emergency caesarean might still be necessary if my labour wasn’t making sufficient progress, and I would have to agree to a caesarean if I had not gone into spontaneous labour by 40 weeks. Whether they intended it or not, I left UCLH with the feeling that I would be regarded as reckless were I to choose anything other than an ‘elective’ caesarean.

The problem, I later learned, was a scientific report published almost twenty years ago known as the Term Breech Trial (1). It concluded that an elective caesarean section presented a significantly safer mode of delivery for mothers and babies than planned vaginal breech births. Following the publication of the report vaginal breech births became a rarity in developed countries and a whole generation of doctors and midwives went through their professional careers with almost no clinical experience of this type of delivery. As I read more and more online articles, clinical guidelines and blogs about breech presentation, I discovered that they were rare, affecting only 3-4% of pregnancies at term, but not abnormal. I also learned that since its publication in 2000 the Term Breech Trial had been widely criticised and aspects of its findings found to be flawed (2). Vaginal breech births could be as safe as vaginal cephalic births so long as the supporting doctors and midwives were trained and experienced in this mode of delivery (3). This is the catch 22 situation familiar to all pregnant British women who discover their babies are breech. Vaginal breech deliveries are safe with experienced staff, yet the Term Breech Trial had all but eliminated that clinical experience.

The day after the ECV my tender stomach muscles needled my conscience about going through with the previous day’s potentially harmful procedure. Weary with guilt, I tried to make sense of my new situation. A caesarean represented a major surgery; a prospect coloured by my previous treatment for breast cancer. I was terrified of what I perceived as the loss of physical sovereignty that my past surgeries had entailed. Following my mastectomy, the slow dissolution of my surgical stitches had counted out the postoperative days, turned into weeks, in which my body was bruised and swollen. I knew all too well how flimsy the promise, “You’ll be up and about in no time”. Despite their obvious differences, I struggled to separate the idea of a caesarean from my mastectomy. Having a caesarean was the most sensible decision given the lack of vaginal breech experience at UCLH, but it also meant letting go of the idea that my birth could be an opportunity to heal; to regain trust in my body and its physiological processes.

The fragile belief that there was still time for my baby to turn was my only shield from my fear of a hospital birth. Foetal positioning exercises took up hours of my time each day. I listened to hypnobirthing audio tracks designed to encourage breech babies to move into a cephalic position. Instead of resting, I took almost daily trips across London, spending hundreds of pounds seeking help from chiropractors, osteopaths and acupuncturists.

Two weeks before my due date I had the good fortune to meet midwife turned acupuncturist Meredith Churchill. Meredith placed her needles in my skin with care. She suggested that my baby had been given every opportunity to turn and perhaps there was a good reason for it staying with its bottom lodged in my pelvis. If I wasn’t sure about the caesarean, she proposed, perhaps I should research whether there were any other London hospitals with staff experienced in breech vaginal deliveries. That way, if there was nowhere supportive of a vaginal breech birth, I might find it easier to accept the caesarean and focus on making the experience as meaningful as possible to me. Her suggestions recognised how important it is for women to feel that they have agency in the way they give birth. Referring to the psychoanalyst D. W. Winnicott’s theory of the ‘good enough’ mother, Meredith sensitively suggested that my experience of birth did not have to be perfect: it only had to be good enough. Buoyed by these words, I began to let go of the perfect home birth I had envisioned and wonder what my ‘good enough’ birth could look like.

After a few hours of searching online, I sent emails to mothers and midwives interested in physiological breech birth asking if they knew of any London hospitals experienced in this area. One of the people kind enough to respond was Dr Shawn Walker, Midwifery Lecturer at King’s College London, who directed me to the breech clinic run by Emma Spillane, Lead Midwife for the Carmen Birth Centre, at St George’s hospital, Tooting. On contacting Emma, I discovered that over the past few years the team at St George’s had been building confidence and clinical experience in physiological breech birth. In the thirty-ninth week of my pregnancy, my boyfriend and I met Emma, looked around the hospital and booked in with St George’s. St George’s had strict guidelines designed to minimise the risk to mothers and babies. I had to give birth on the labour ward, rather than in their friendly midwifery-led birth centre. If I had not gone into spontaneous labour before week 42, I could not be induced and a caesarean would be necessary. Finally, if my labour did not progress smoothly, I would have to have an emergency caesarean. Although its policies were broadly similar to those at UCLH, for me the difference between the two hospitals was that the team at St George’s made me feel my wish to attempt a physiological breech birth would be supported and respected. What I was being offered was a chance at a vaginal delivery: there were no guarantees. I knew that I might still end up having a caesarean, but if that happened I could be certain it would be the right decision at that point. After weeks of anguish and confusion I finally felt ready to have my baby.

A day after my due date, I returned home from a long, slow walk in the summer evening. My boyfriend had gone to a work event and I slumped on the sofa, glad to take the weight off my feet. Ten minutes into an episode of the Great British Bake Off, I felt a small rush of water flow between my legs. I jumped to my feet confused and thinking that I might have wet myself. More fluid trickled into my knickers and down my leg. It took me a few seconds to realise what was happening. This was it: my waters had broken. I called my boyfriend to tell him he probably ought to come home. I called my midwife to ask her to come to check on me. I called my mother to share my excitement.

I rushed around the flat, shoving my slippers and phone charger into the hospital bag, wiping down the kitchen surfaces and tidying away clutter. My boyfriend arrived back. We sat on the sofa chatting, giddy with excitement. When the midwife appeared she checked my amniotic fluid, told us all was well, to get some rest and to head to the hospital, where she would meet us, once I was experiencing three contractions in every ten-minute period. My first contraction came as she spoke; a tightening in my uterus like period pain. It was about 9pm and I had no idea how quickly things would progress. I got into bed with my boyfriend and tried to rest, but the tightenings were too distracting. With each tightening I felt the urge to jump out of bed, as though I could run away from the feeling now taking over my body. I repeatedly ran to the toilet, responding to an urge as though I wanted to poo. I’d fail to shit and climb back into bed. After about an hour of this back and forth between bed and toilet, I stopped returning to the bed, preferring to lie on the bathroom floor. The surges of energy consumed my body for short periods at a time. I found myself saying to my boyfriend, “This really hurts,” for some reason surprised by the intensity of the feeling. With each surge I’d jump to my feet as though I could outrun it, and then bend onto all fours moaning. Not once did it occur to me to ask for the TENS machine or the glass of wine I had planned to drink as an analgesia, and had so been looking forward to after nine months sober. The sensations consumed me.

By 11.30pm it was clear to me that if I did not head to the hospital there and then I would refuse to go at all. I had no idea how many contractions I was having over what period of time, but I knew I couldn’t face getting into a car if we left it any longer. The plan had always been to take a taxi, but now in the heat of the moment I had no confidence in my power not to puke, shit or leak amniotic fluid in the back seat of a cab. We decided that my boyfriend would drive us. Armed with a bucket and an incontinence pad, I climbed into the footwell of the backseat.

In the car I fumbled with my headphones, eventually managing to start the playlist I had put together. Focusing on the music between the surges and the speedbumps, I belted out familiar songs all the way from Kilburn to Tooting. The sensations and the music enclosed me so completely that I was shocked when the car stopped and my boyfriend told me we had arrived. The short walk from the carpark to the labour ward was punctuated by several contractions, with pitstops leaning over bike racks and railings, but eventually we made it. I hobbled through the ward’s double doors and immediately got onto all fours in the corridor. Everything in my body told me to stay low to the ground with my bum in the air. A midwife directed us towards a waiting room, but the idea that I could sit on a chair was preposterous. After five minutes on all fours in the corridor, I was moved to “somewhere more appropriate”, which turned out to be a triage room. It took some persuading to get me off the floor and onto the bed to be examined. The routine blood pressure test and internal exam seemed unnecessary to me when I was certain that what I needed was to be taken to my own room and left alone. I only agreed on the grounds that after this there would be no more routine exams. The midwife checked my dilation and went to fetch a more senior colleague who also examined me. I watched them realise what I already knew: my labour was well advanced.

The midwife led us to a small room with no bathroom. I requested that the lights be lowered and the resuscitation equipment pushed to one side. The blankets, fairy lights and pictures that I had so carefully selected to make my hospital room feel more homely remained untouched in my hospital bag. All I wanted was to kneel on the floor, leaning over a couple of pillows, and disappear back into the headphones’ cocoon. I hardly noticed when my private midwife arrived and various hospital staff came and went. Surges of pain ebbed through me with no clear beginning or ending. I found myself chanting as their intensity increased, sometimes Buddhist chants my mother had taught me, sometimes instructions like ‘relax, relax, relax, relax, relax, relax, relax,’. When the intensity slowed, I would tune into the music playing on my ipod, occasionally giggling at song lyrics. “Nothing’s gonna change my world,” sang John Lennon, as my world was in the process of changing forever. The surges rose up regularly and relentlessly, crashing over my body. There was only one occasion during the labour when I integrated the contraction into my being, instead of trying to escape it. I rode the feeling, rising to meet it with my breath. It was my only glimpse of how labour could be experienced without feeling pain in its usual sense.

The surges continued and I was starting to get tired. I wriggled around on the floor searching for a position where I could rest a little. But as I lay on my side I had the sense that it was a mistake to try to slow the surges’ intensity. It seemed that any momentary relief would merely slow the juggernaut of labour. There was no way out but through.

My midwife suggested I stood and leaned over the bed, swaying my hips from side to side. I managed this until the next surge propelled me to climb onto the bed, where I would stay, on all fours, for the rest of the labour. My birth plan specified that I should not be offered pain relief and I was so overwhelmed by sensation that the idea didn’t enter my mind. What I did do was tell my boyfriend that I didn’t think I could do it. “You’re doing it,” he replied. I gained strength from knowing he was at my side throughout it all; holding my hand, rubbing my shoulders, encouraging me to relax my clenched jaw and making sure I kept drinking water. Seeing that I was flagging, my private midwife waited until the hospital midwife had left the room and encouraged me to eat. (Eating is generally discouraged in hospital because it increases the risk of complications should a labouring woman go on to need a general anaesthetic.) Instead of eating, I slurped a carton of apple juice and felt replenished by the sugar.

Every so often I would surface from the pure sensation of the surges and become aware of the people around me. I turned to my hospital midwife, who had already cared for me for over an hour, and said “Hello”, as if introducing myself for the first time. This represented a rare occasion during labour where my feelings towards her were not warped by circumstance. I hated her when she did her initial internal exams; when she explained that she needed a small lamp light in the room so she could see to write her notes; when she held the Doppler to my belly to check the heartbeat of my baby at ten-minute intervals. I also developed a passionate dislike for the objectively personable man who was the Consultant on duty. Although I was well aware of the risks associated with a vaginal breech delivery, he insisted that I remove my headphones so he could explain again and warn me about the possibility I might need a caesarean. “Just say what you’ve got to say quickly and I’ll consent,” I murmured; prepared to say anything so he’d go away.

The labour drove on and my hips began to feel as though they were about to burst from the pressure. Then, when the baby’s body started lowering into the birth canal the sensation changed completely. Still on my knees, I gripped the metal bed head and emitted a low, fast “Huh!”, like the sound made by someone doing martial arts. I felt prised apart and as though I couldn’t breathe. As the surge subsided I could feel my baby’s body slowly slide back up into my body. “Huh!”: the sensation of my baby’s body moving down again. I felt it slide back inside me. “Huh!”. “Huh!”. “Huh!”. The surges pulsed the baby’s body in and out, until it began to move down and stay down. “Huh!”. Somehow my headphones had been removed. I was kneeling on the bed facing the wall, unaware of the crowd of people gathered behind me. “Huuuhhh!”: I felt my body opening. At this point, my boyfriend would recount later, a tiny bottom emerged from my backside and did a swirling shit of treacle-black meconium. Another surge came and I went with the feeling, experiencing relief as a leg flopped down out of my vagina, then another. A downwards movement forced my body open and out slipped the arms. The baby was now out up to the chin and the surge subsided. “You need to push now,” said the midwife. “But I don’t feel the push feeling,” I replied. The directions issued by my body had got me this far and I was unwilling to listen to advice that ignored my instincts. But the medical team now gathered in the room explained that getting the baby out quickly was now imperative, so I forced myself to push like I was doing a shit.

I felt a tremendous rush of relief as my baby slipped fully from my flesh. I spun around and there on the end of the bed lay a lanky purple doll on its back. The Consultant rushed towards the silent, still baby to cut the cord. My boyfriend tried to stop him, hoping we could still achieve the delayed cord clamping set out in our birth plan. But our baby still hadn’t drawn a breath, and a medical chorus insisted that cutting the cord now was necessary. We consented quickly, the Consultant cut the cord and our baby yelped and opened its eyes. Everyone in the room cried out and sighed with joy. My baby looked so utterly unfamiliar, like a person I had never seen before. A paediatrician I hadn’t noticed until that moment whisked the baby over to the resuscitation equipment to perform some initial checks. “What kind of baby is it?” I asked my boyfriend. “It’s a girl,” he replied. It was 4.20am. I had been in the hospital for barely four hours. My baby weighed 7lbs and 3oz. Five minutes after her birth her Apgar score was 10. I had a small perineal tear, but apart from the stitches that sewed it up I had managed to avoid any intervention. We had made it. She was safe. She was well. So was I. I felt elated.

My daughter was not born at home surrounded by the sights, smells and people now familiar to her, as I had hoped. She was born in a room filled with wipe-down surfaces, strangers and her parents. Her birth was not what I had imagined. But it was good enough.

1) Hannah, M, et al. (2000) ‘Planned caesarean section versus planned vaginal birth for breech presentation at term: a randomised multicentre trial’. The Lancet, vol. 356, issue 9239, pp.1375-1383.

2) Glezerman, M. (2006) ‘Five years to the term breech trial: the rise and fall of a randomized controlled trial.’ American Journal of Obstetrics and Gynecology, vol. 194, 1, pp.20-25.

3) Royal College of Obstetricians & Gynaecologists (2017) Management of Breech Presentation (Greentop Guideline No. 20b).

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